A+Closer+Look+At+My+Writing

|| ** Sentence Number **
 * A Closer Look at My Writing**
 * ** First four words ** ||  ** Special features **  ||  ** Verbs **  ||  ** Number of words/sentence **  ||

This form will help you analyze your own writing. You will very quickly discover some of your strengths and weaknesses. Not only will this form be used to analyze your own writing style, but it will also be used to look a the writing styles of professional writers as well as your peers. The following chart shows an analysis of the third paragraph of an essay about Benny Paret by Norman Mailer (AP English Language and Composition Examination, 1986). The chart reveals Mailer’s mastery of diction, skilled imagery, and manipulation. A glance, for example, at sentence nine, which recounts Paret’s fall, illustrates this idea. This lengthy sentence (31 words) is a series of clauses slipping irrevocably into one another, even as Paret slides slowly to the floor. Mailer consciously manipulates syntax to stress the meaning and effect of the sentence. || ** Sentence Number **
 * ** First four words ** ||  ** Special features **  ||  ** Verbs **  ||  ** Number of words/sentence **  ||
 * 1  || And Paret ||   ||   ||   2   ||
 * 2  || Paret died on his ||   || died ||   5   ||
 * 3  || And he took those ||   || took, happened, was ||   18   ||
 * 4  || Some part of his || Personification || reached ||   9   ||
 * 5 || One felt it hover ||   || hover ||   7   ||
 * 6  || He was still standing || Personification || was standing, trapped, had been, gave, were saying, did know, was going, came ||   51   ||
 * 7  || He began to pass ||   || began ||   5   ||
 * 8  || As he passed, so || Consonance || passed, descended, san, ||   16   ||
 * 9  || He went down more || Simile || went, had gone. went, turns, slides ||   31   ||
 * 10  || As he went down, the || Simile || went, echoed ||   25   ||

As a revision technique for your own writing, completion of the chart may signal various writing problems (repetitiveness in sentence opening, possible run-ons or fragments, passive voice, poor verb choice, lack of variety of sentence length, etc.). This technique allows you to revise not only for grammatical errors, but also to strengthen the meaning and effectiveness of your writing.

The following chart is based on one student’s essay about the Benny Paret article analyzed above and reveals a number of problems: || ** Sentence # ** Much of the power of language arises from the way diction and syntax enhance meaning. Every student should focus on the examination of these elements of language = Improving Sentence Style =
 * Repetition of identical sentence structure and especially sentence opening in #2 and #3. Also #5 and #6. Revise to improve student variety
 * Excessive use of the verb “to be,” several repetitions of “says” and writes.” Revise to employ more powerful verbs.
 * Possible opportunity for sentence combining with #2 and #3. Also #5 and #6. Revise for rhythm improvement and to ensure that syntax enhances meaning.
 * Possible grammatical problems – evaluate #4 for possible run-on sentence; evaluate #7 for possible fragment.
 * Possible use of short, powerful sentence structure, but also possible choppiness – evaluate #6 and #7 to see if the ideas of the sentences are important enough to be singled out by a short sentence structure or is the ideas of the sentences are enhanced by the short sentence structure.
 * ** First four words ** ||  ** Special features **  ||  ** Verbs **  ||  ** Number of words/sentence **  ||
 * 1  || In an article about ||   none   || writes, described ||   1   ||
 * 2  || Mailer writes that Paret ||   none   || writes, is, loses ||   17   ||
 * 3  || Mailer says that the ||   none   || says, reflects ||   15   ||
 * 4  || After examining the fight ||   none   || believes, suggests, is, reveals ||   40   ||
 * 5  || The fight is an ||   none   || is, penetrates ||   18   ||
 * 6  || The fight is also ||   none   || is ||   10   ||
 * 7  || Because of the way ||   none   || fights ||   6   ||
 * 1) What style of sentences can you find? List the number of loose, balanced, parallel, and periodic sentences. If you have no sentences of one of these types in your paper, rewrite some sentences in that style.
 * 2) How long are your sentences? Count words in the paper, count sentences, and divide to arrive at an average length.
 * 3) Find your longest sentence. What is the length of the sentence before it? After it? If that long sentence is not either preceded or followed by a short sentence, change one of them to a short sentence.
 * 4) What forms are your sentences? Count simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. If you do not have variety rewrite some sentences to include these sentence types.
 * 5) Count the number of __to be__ verbs (is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been). Find three that can better be expressed as action verbs and rewrite the sentences that way.
 * 6) Count parallel constructions. If there are fewer than three in the paper, rewrite three sentences so they contain parallel elements.
 * 7) How do your sentences begin? If more than half of your sentences begin with the subject, rewrite them in a way that varies the beginning.
 * 8) Check your comma use by applying these four rules:
 * 9) Use a comma before __and, but, for, or, not, so, yet__, and __still__ when those words join independent clauses.
 * 10) Use a comma between all terms in a series.
 * 11) Use a comma(s) to set off parenthetical openers and afterthoughts.
 * 12) Use a comma after introductory clauses or phrases.
 * 13) Have you used any semicolons? If not, find a sentence or a pair of sentences that would be better punctuated with a semicolon and rewrite.
 * 14) Have you used any dashes? If not, find a sentence that would improve with a dash and rewrite.
 * 15) Have you inverted any sentences? If not, rewrite one to do so.
 * 16) Find all __which__ clauses and rewrite half of them to eliminate __which__.
 * 17) Eliminate as many __of, in, to, and by’s__ as you can.
 * 18) Find all instances of __there is__ or __there are__ and eliminate as many as possible.
 * 19) Find all instances of __it__ with no antecedent and eliminate.
 * 20) Find all instances of __this or that__ used without a noun. Add a noun or rewrite.
 * 21) Have you used quotation marks? Check for correctness.
 * 22) Have you used apostrophes or colons? Do you need to?
 * 23) Is your diction appropriate for your audience? Check for slang, trite expressions, and garbage words. Eliminate as necessary.
 * A Closer Look at My Writing Handout**
 * ** Sentence Number ** ||  ** First four words **  ||  ** Special features **  ||  ** Verbs **  ||  ** Number of words/sentence **  ||